Me and Adelaide

If anyone were to ask me whether I am happy, I would definitely say yes in the next few seconds. But am I? Not really. No doubt many people envies me for being able to pursue my PhD on scholarship and some people do envy that freedom from staying alone in a foreign country. But how many people can overlook these and see my loneliness within.

I am seriously happy that I can do my PhD. Afterall, getting a new title has always been my wish. You may be thinking I am so shallow/ himbotic or whatsoever, but really, in the field of research science, you can't really get far without these paper certificates.

I don't mind staying alone, cleaning the house and cooking my own meals. But all these will be more than wonderful if there is someone(s) to share, especially in the context of cooking. Can you understand how much better you will feel if you are cooking for more people than own self? Well, of course you can't cook for lotsa people everyday, but can you imagine cooking for yourself day after day after day... No sense of satisfaction and you get no feedbacks at all. Eventually, you get tired of cooking and stick to cooking the same dishes. No challenges at all to keep you wanting to do better.

I am a competitive person, I agree. And it's this competitive character in me that makes me strive better in studies. This was definitely the case in UQ. But here, all alone, who do I compete with? Myself? Yeah. That's the only person I can think of. But ... but... As a result, I can feel myself losing the motivation. I just need to refuel now and then, I suppose.

Everyone should have noticed that I have been quite involved in facebook, especially commenting on others' profiles and updating my status. Leilei said I am attention seeking which I tend to agree partly. These forms of social networking are my way to tell the world that I am still alive and that I am still "doing well". And to be frank, deep down inside, I wanna know who are still concerned about me. If one day I stop facebooking, will anyone think of me? Will anyone initiate and contact me? Maybe Leilei and Ruru will. But the others? Anyway, I am cutting down on facebook le la. It may not seem to be, but I actually take criticism quite seriously. 

It is not easy being alone and Adelaide just makes it harder. Adelaide is indeed BORING. Although I am not an exciting/ interesting/ happening person, walking the same malls now and then is still unbearable. There are many nice restaurants here, but dining alone is just not the way I work. I need accompanies and this is what Adelaide lacks. People whom I can be comfortable with. People whom I can talk much with. Besides, being alone in lab almost everyday, how am I going to know more people? I wonder.. And not forgetting, those depressing moments when your friends graduate and left for home while leaving you behind in Adelaide, lonely once more. I just have to endure, but it gets tougher. Oh talking about this, I know one big one is coming end of the year.

Ok la. Enough complaints. I should be thankful that I am still alive and that I am enjoying more privileges and many others around the way. I'm actually surprised that I was able to write down so much. So many words and I'm kinda tired to proofread, so pardon me if there's mistakes or if you dont understand. Nowadays, I'm just too tired to do most stuffs. Msn, Blog and etc. I even lost the urge to clean the house frequently. I seriously need a break.